How to Stop Toddler Hitting
“Help. Dean won’t stop hitting others and I don’t know what to do. Ideas?” I pressed “share,” hoping my Instagram community would provide me with some ideas on how to help him stop hitting myself and others. Luckily, I got back lots of great advice. This was a few years ago when my oldest had just turned one. Having been through this with two kids now, I wanted to share what I’ve learned about toddler hitting and how to stop it for good.
First – Ignore and Redirect Toddler Hitting
I quickly discovered that reacting in anyway made the hitting so much worse. If I responded with a stern “no,” he kept hitting. If I pretended to cry, he kept hitting. If I said “no thank you, he kept hitting.
I chose to completely ignore it instead and redirect his attention to something else more exciting. This won’t work overnight, but it does work well because babies and toddlers have an innate drive to connect with people. If they aren’t getting any reaction from you when they hit, chances are they will probably stop doing it after some time.
I try to redirect to an item that they are allowed to hit. If nothing is available, I redirect to the first thing that will keep their attention and get them excited.
Second – Fill the Need to Hit
I’m not sure why, but toddlers seem to have this biological drive to to hit things. Call me crazy, but having had two toddler boys now, learning to hit seems just as natural as learning to walk for them. Parents.com shares a great article covering why toddlers hit. Toddlers need to hit. And if they don’t have a safe outlet, they will probably hit your face, their brother, the glass table, etc. So help them fill the need by giving them a safe item they actually can hit.
For example, try offering a high-five when you see their arm winding up, or pull out the pots and pans and hand them a wooden spoon. Little electronic drums are also a fun way to practice safe hitting. These drums have worked like a charm with Miles because they are so interactive! Praise the heck out of them when they hit the acceptable items and make it fun!
Sometimes filling the need to hit can be soothed by some really fun throwing activities. The motion of throwing the arm forward can be similar enough. We love spider web throwing!
It’s important to allow them to practice safe hitting before the issue starts. If you know they love hitting their brother when they get home from preschool, let them practice safe hitting that day before school gets out.
When Your Toddler is Hitting Others
Here’s what I found to work the best when my boys would hit other people:
- As soon as you see hitting, intervene and place yourself between the children.
- Check on the child that was hit. Ask if they are okay. and apologize for your child’s hitting. You can say something like, “I’m so sorry that Dean hit you. Are you okay?”
- Take your child somewhere else and say “hitting is not okay” in a neutral voice.
- Redirect to a safe hitting activity.
- Once your child is older you can further discuss why hitting is not okay and how they can try to model your apology
I hope this information helps you. It was exactly what I had needed to hear when my oldest was becoming a toddler and I wish I had figured it out sooner. This will work, but it can take time. Stay consistent. you’ve got this!
